Allergic To Myself

Allergic To Myself

by Bud Lemire in 2001

I went to the Doctors, to take a blood test

I didn’t study for it, but I really did my best

Hoping I passed with flying colors, the results came to be

How can this be possible, I am allergic to me

It must have happened recently, because I lived with myself for so long

How could this have happened, for this to go so wrong

I always wondered why I sneezed so much, whenever I’m alone

And why it always hurts so much, with aches in every bone

My body must have changed chemically, somewhere along the way

Because I basically look the same, I thought I was okay

But now I’m sneezing on myself, and sneezing everywhere

When I am sneezing down the street, some people like to stare

I take out my handkerchief, and cover up my nose

Then the sneezing starts, and chills go to my toes

Pretty soon I have goosebumps, on every body part

Then I cough and sneeze some more, and then I let a fart

My nose is constantly running, it’s not funny at all

Sometimes I’m so dizzy, the sneezing makes me fall

I guess I will have to live with it, whether I like it or snot

My nose is so sore from wiping it, it looks like a big red dot

I really hate this sneezing, why did it happen to me

I thought this happened to other people, this selfish allergy

My eyes are so sore, they are very red

I can’t even sleep, I sneeze myself out of bed

If there is one thing, that I know for sure

I hope that very shortly, those Doctors find a cure

Until then, I will continue sneezing, Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!

When you’re allergic to yourself, there’s nothing else you can do